Be Nice ~*~

You can check me out at:!/rockickmusic

I am female and very taken
No offensive or rude comments
No sexual or explicit content
Explicit topics ok if not exploitative
Above all else Be nice ~*~
I will always send a reply to any question asked

Ask me anything


My Space

I am receiving a lot of questions about my living space. Simple put - I don’t have any private dedidcated living space. The people I live and love with have zero respect for my seclusion desires and will simply move into whatever room I am secluding myself in. At times I feel a deep sense of loathing and others I am relieved. There has been as of late a tomb like feeling. I feel suffocated and imprisoned by relationships. On the other hand they keep me alive.

Tagged: agoraphobiadepressionhikikomorianxiety

A day out

I have had 2 hours of sleep because I must be out of my home for 5 hours today. I have a really great support system. I start the day with coffee, shower and then the long contemplation of how to dress. I want to be comfortable, appropriate, and nondescript.  I don’t want to stand out. I have to take public transportation because that allows for the right amount of pressure to leave at a specific time. I cannot tolerate being late or anything that creates a need for additional communication. I try to practice and rehearse the day at least twice before going out. It’s exhausting. I try to set a goal for the day that can make it a success. Something simple. Usually involving catching a specific train. When I come home I feel this enormous relief that I survived and then start to count the hours until I must go out again. My own private revolving door at the gates of hell.

Tagged: hikikomoriagoraphobiaanxietydepression

I feel sick

Today my walls are the only beauty I see. Why must I go out into such an ugly world?

Tagged: hikikomoridepressionanxietyagoraphobia


In a word

Tagged: depressionanxietyagoraphobiahikikomori

Why I go out

I just agreed to go to my personal hell on earth on 5 different occasions because someone important to  me is in a jam. It seems to me that I leave my home because there are people in my life that matter more than my disease. My only fear is this may not always be the case.

Tagged: depressionanxietyagoraphobiahikikomori

Still here and have no idea why

Tagged: depression

Why is it so easy to care for people I’ve never met when I can’t even care for me?

Tagged: depression

Why does it so hurt so much?

Tagged: depression

I wish I was a whisper

Tagged: hikikomoriagoraphobiadepressionanxiety

I see you

Today I saw a woman on a boat holding a child and she had this look of utter despair that so reflected how I felt. I just wanted to be in her pain. I just wanted her to know she was seen.

Tagged: hikikomoridepressionanxietyagoraphobia