Be Nice ~*~


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In a word

Fucked

Tagged: deppresionhikikomoriagoraphobiaanxiety

Broken

How can one word so completely define me?

Tagged: deppresionanxietyhikikomoriShut inagoraphobia

Blah

I think that says it all.

Tagged: deppresionself expressionsorroslonilinessheart achegiving upbad daywhy me

A #day in the #life #recovering from #Hikikomori

*WAVES* Today was a tough one. I woke up on time but had 0 motivation to leave the house. Before I knew what I was doing I was packing my backpack and heading out the door. I arrived at my Japanese language class on time and everyone was really nice. I had this sick feeling because I missed yesterday. I felt behind all day and like the clock was losing time instead of tracking it. During the break I did yesterdays homework and turned it in. I felt ill and the room began to spin I thought I was going to pass out. I had trouble hearing what people where saying and the group recitals of sentences was deafening. I began to just mouth the words. I lost my voice in a see of sound. I lost my thoughts as they were drowned out by the waves of other peoples thoughts crashing into me. All at once I wish I were really drowning. I began to sweat and shake. Of course this is when it became my turn to recite a speech. I struggled and everyone seemed to be rooting for me. I hate that. It makes me feel like an underdog or just plain wanting. I’m not. I know the words and can speak just fine when it is something real. I am sick of Miller-san the imaginary character I play. The context and life bare no resemblance to my own. I get lost when I have to play Miller-san and then myself. I have a hard enough time just being me. I have no idea how I’m going to go back tomorrow. It is truly horrible and makes me feel horrible. It feels so good to be home in my room and listen to the wind howl against my building. I want to crawl under my blanket and just be. I would love to do absolutely nothing and just stare at the wall. Instead I’m going to do my homework and prepare for another day out in the world. Today I made it out my front door but tomorrow I might not so please be nice.

Tagged: hihikikomoriJapanJapaneseAgoraphobiaShut inLifeLiving abroadanxietydeppresionisolationrecovery