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If it were as easy as just deciding to let it go no one would carry a single burden
— AG Quotes (via adjustment-guidance)

Tagged: truthrecovery

Just being me and hoping that’s enough

Recovery is not one sizes fits all
— AG Quotes (via adjustment-guidance)

I want to understand how food became something more to me. I think a good place to start is how I feel when I’m eating. Lately I’ve been binge eating ice cream. Before I eat it there is this dread and shame that I’m going to eat 6 scoops of ice cream. Then I order the ice cream and there is this sense of resolve I’m going to eat 6 scoops of ice cream. Then I begin to eat the ice cream and my head is filled with flowers, fresh cut grass, and every happy image of renewal I can conjure. I feel special. I feel very precious and loved and cared about. I feel whole.

This is strange because growing up ice cream was no big deal. I always had money for the ice cream truck and was allowed to eat ice cream as much as I wanted. I was a normal to low eater as a child. I was a normal eater as teen. My two very best friends one was anorexic and the other was bulimic but I really don’t think this has anything to do with it as I was neither anorexic or bulimic as a teen. I also did not suffer from BED or COE as a teen. I actually only started to suffer from it as an adult.

This is what I find it so confusing. Why now? I just don’t get it.

Tagged: depressioncompulsive overeatingbinge eatingrecoverymental illnessmental healthtrying

Coming out as a compulsive over eater has been terrifying. I feel a sense of terror when it comes to figuring out the why.. Take today for example I know that when I am depressed I eat and while I am eating I don’t expect myself to do anything else. It sort of stops time and expectations. It feels humiliating to admit that. I eat as an excuse to not do other more meaningful things. This sucks.

Tagged: compulsive eatingcompulsive overeatingdeppresioni want to recover

Introduce your demons to someone who will help you slay them
— AG Quotes (via adjustment-guidance)

Adjusting to life with depression and being medication resistant →

adjustment-guidance:

Living a full and productive life is possible even with medication-resistant depression. It is difficult to manage depression without medication, but it is possible. If medication works, I strongly suggest taking it. This is not a post about the evils of big pharma or an anti medication rant. This…

Adjusting to life with depression and being medication resistant →

adjustment-guidance:

Living a full and productive life is possible even with medication-resistant depression. It is difficult to manage depression without medication, but it is possible. If medication works, I strongly suggest taking it. This is not a post about the evils of big pharma or an anti medication rant. This…

#depression 

mamapef said: I'm proud of you for publicly admitting your eating habits. I just recently admitted to the same things. You're not alone :)

Thank you so much for your support. It really is very scary.

I’m coming out as a compulsive over eater and binge eater. I’m doing this because I want to recover. I’m tired of the shame, guilt, pain, and anger this disorder has caused me. I eat when I feel an emotion I can’t handle and I eat when I feel emotionally empty. I can’t keep going on like this. I need help but do not want to talk to my therapist about it. It still feels really personal. It’s the first time I’ve ever admitted that I have compulsive over eating problem. I hope this is my first step in the recovery process.

Tagged: compulsive eatingbinge eatingrecoverymentally illmental illnessdeppresiondesperatealone